Alantha slowly walked over to her bed, slightly disgruntled about being so old, but there was really nothing she could do about it. Illusion wouldn't help any at all and Linear didn't like it when she used illusion to even hide her grey hair.
"Would you like me to braid your hair again?" he asked, coming over to the side of the bed.
"Nah, it'll last until tomorrow," she replied and rolled into bed with a bounce. He smiled.
"Amazing that you still have the energy to do that. I can barely walk." Slowly, he lowered himself onto the edge of the bed, wincing as he put too much weight on his bad foot. Alantha crawled up behind him and laid gentle hands on his back and shoulders. No matter what anyone said, she still loved him.
When she stopped, he turned, caught her in his arms, and kissed her lips softly. She stuck her tongue into his mouth as her hand brushed across his thigh. Pulling away he laughed, "I'm too old for that, and so are you!"
"Don't tell me that! Not when you tell me I can't make myself younger." She pouted and he laughed again. "Really, it doesn't make me feel any better to know that I'm old and getting older."
"As you often say, "Face the facts, otherwise they'll knock you over,"" he lowered himself into the bed and pulled the covers over his frail body.
"Oh don't go throwing that in my face now! I can afford to ignore reality. I've nothing to loose. I think, you should try ignoring reality for a day and see if you like it. I think you would."
"I think you think too much, lay down and go to sleep." He turned the lights off and she stuck her tongue out at him. "And don't do that either. Yes, I know you're giving me the raspberry."
"Humph." She laid down, snuggled up next to him, putting her arm around his waist and her head on his chest as she always did. He put his arms around her, smiling to himself in the darkness, thinking.
The leaves on his tree of life had fallen off when he had met Alantha may but that was the way of things, in the Fall, every tree lost its leaves and in the Spring grew new ones. He had gotten a fresh start. He could hear her breathing slowing, "I love you."
"I love you too..." she mumbled. He was stunned, she had actually admitted to loving him, though he'd known it already, it was a pleasure to hear her say it. Every time he'd told her he loved her she would just say "me too", he just accepted that as an "I love you too" which was just fine for her because, he suspected, she was afraid to tell him in simple language what she felt for him. He didn't push her but had felt that her love was somewhat dimmed because she couldn't tell him straight out.
He stifled a sigh, just in time, he thought. He hadn't told her, but Romidi had ways of knowing when their time would come to pass on, he knew deep inside it would be anytime now, his strongest feeling was his time would be tonight.
He closed his eyes and held Alantha tightly. He felt something near him. He opened his eyes to see something like a giant squid that was formed more like a humanoid, with dark brown skin and black spots and liquid black eyes. It glowed with a light from beyond. It cocked its head to the side, his time had come.
He took a breath, his throat was tight. Gathering Alantha tighter to him, "Good bye my sweet love..." he whispered to her.
"Where ya goin'?" she asked in her sleep, he couldn't answer. One of the Angle of Death's tentacles reached out and touched his forehead. He closed his eyes and laid a pleasant smile on his face, one that Alantha would see when she woke and felt himself leave his body.
*****
Alantha shivered, why was she cold? She could feel the blankets on her but something cold was wrapped around her. She sat up and turned the lights on. There was only Linear- with tear stains on his face, his eyes closed, and a soft loving smile on his lips. She touched his cheek but already knew- why hadn't he told her?!
She cursed him and threw herself over him, "Why didn't you tell me?! There was so much I had to tell you still! You didn't give me a chance!" Tears streamed out of her eyes and her body trembled. She said nothing more for an hour, just laid her face to his still chest and sobbed softly.
The door chimed, she didn't answer. It chimed again, then opened. "Go away," she said and sniffled.
"Alantha? What's wrong?" it was Sharidan and Dlenn's son David.
"Please, just go away... Don't bother me until tomorrow."
"You know I can't do that. You wouldn't feed yourself," he sighed, "I suppose I could, Linear would make sure you did." She waited until the door closed again before her sobs began again.
"No... He can't now..." she whispered, closing her eyes and laying her head back on his cold, still chest. "Perhaps you did tell me, in your own way..." she said after a while.
A few days earlier they had talked of what they wanted done when they died. She had said she wanted to be sacrificed to the White Dragon while he said he'd wanted to be cremated and sprinkled to the wind with blood red rose petals. Sitting up, she brushed the tears from her eyes and face.
Looking down at his soft loving smile, she took a deep breath, "Linear, I'm sorry I never told you before, but-" she had to pause for a sob and to wipe her face again, "But I love you. I always will love you. You were the only one who could have controlled me somewhat, and you kept be from falling apart time after time. No matter what you were always there, and I took that for granted. I'm sorry.
"I did nothing for you while you did everything for me. I love you..." She collapsed in sobs again, trembling so much her teeth rattled. An arm went around her shoulders and helped her stay upright. "I told you to go, David," she whispered when she'd collected herself.
"I know you did..." he mumbled and held her close. Her tears stopped after a time and she could sit up on her own again. She touched Linear's cheek, then slid out from under the covers and off the bed. She made her way slowly to the dresser and pulled some clothes out. She still had some of her figure, but not enough to wear her old leathers. Instead, she created a simple black dress of mourning. Without glancing at David, she went into the bathroom, pulled her nightgown off and slipped the dress on. Looking in the mirror she frowned, her eyes were puffy and red with purple bags under them. Turning the water on, she dipped her hands in it and washed her face.
That done she pulled her long, iron grey braid over her shoulder. Unbound, her hair hung to her calves, so she kept it in a braid most of the time. Linear liked her hair long, he'd liked to slide his fingers though her hair and braid it, play with it while she complained about being old. Tears threatened, taking a deep breath, the tightening in her throat eased. Perhaps she should have let him braid her hair last night.
Shaking her head, she stepped out of the bathroom. Trying not to look at the bed, where Linear still lay, she went to the kitchen. Taking out the frying pan, she looked at it for a long moment before setting it on the burner. Linear had used it the night before to make stir-fry.
David was at the comm, talking to someone with his ever calm voice. Listening to his soft drone, she used it to calm herself. They would probably take the body out today and let the doctor see it. Then the doctor would tell everyone that he had died of old age, which Alantha had known already. Then they would prepare for the funeral service- that would probably be tomorrow and she would have to sit though the teary monologues of everyone saying good bye to him, that is, if they did it the human way. She hated bearing her soul to anyone and was rather embarrassed that David had heard her do it to the now passed on Linear.
She wished she'd done it earlier. She wished he'd told her his time was coming. She wished the little eggshell pieces wouldn't always fly into the pan when she cracked an egg. Sighing, she started picking the bits out.
"How's Alantha holding up?" asked the person on the other end of the comm line.
"I think okay, she hasn't said anything, she's wearing black, and isn't crying so hard that she's convulsing on the bed. I suppose that's a good sign," David answered and looked over at her to meet her steely glare and frown.
"I'd appreciate it if you didn't spread that around," she said coldly.
David pressed his lips together and looked away. "I'll talk to you in a while," he said.
"Okay... Tell Alantha I'm sorry..."
"I will." He turned the comm off. Again looking at Alantha, he met her steely glare. Swallowing, he spoke, "It was the doctor..."
She didn't answer, just looked back to what she was doing. She knew the doctor would be coming now that David had said she had been crying so hard she was having convulsions. He'd want to poke her to see if she'd hurt herself or if there was something wrong.
She pushed the eggs around the pan thinking of nothing. The door chimed and David answered it. Couldn't people leave her in peace? "I heard the news... Is Alantha okay?"
When is she not? She asked herself in her mind. David only shrugged and waved a hand at her. It was one of her other baby sitters, Herion, a soft spoken but stubborn human man. She stifled a frown and turned the burner off. Finding a plate she scooped the eggs onto it, then got the toast she'd started when the eggs were about done.
"Alantha, are you okay? You're so quiet..." Herion said softly.
"Do I have to talk to be fine? Why don't you two go someplace else? I don't need baby sitters hanging around." She turned her glare on them as she set her plate on the low table, found the butter, and poured a glass of milk.
She picked up the rather sharp butter knife, looked at it for a long moment then rubbed her finger on a rust spot, she could hear the sigh of relief that came from David when she didn't use the knife on herself. She turned her face down so he didn't see the small smile that crept onto her face. He had never had much of a since of humor and never got any of her jokes. Oh well.
She slowly ate her breakfast, Herion and David hovering and watching her every move, suspecting she had lost her mind. How the young got worried over the old when they only sneezed. Sentimental fools. Suppressing the urge to shake her head and laugh, she gathered the utensils that she'd used and put them in the sink. Turning the water on to a suitable temperature, she poured some soap into the sink.
Rolling the long tight sleeves of her dress up past her elbows, she started scrubbing the frying pan. The door chimed again. She had a feeling that by the end of the day everyone would have been through her rooms and stared at her as if she was crazy. What was she supposed to be doing? Rolling on the floor sobbing her eyes out?
She'd already done enough of that. It was time she moved on slightly. This was the next stage of her grief. Pretending she was fine when at the same time, every time she was alone, she'd be crying silently. The next stage would be memory immersion. She would make herself relive every memory of the person that had died.
The next stage, she would slowly come to terms with the death, and cry some more. This stage could last for years, it had when Niveram had died. She did shake her head then. Everyone she had ever said she loved them to was dead.
She hadn't ever told her children she loved them because she'd never gotten the chance to. They were always running everywhere and annoying her when she did have the time to tell them. Perhaps she should tell them now... Not now. When everything calmed down.
The doctor was the newest one to come to her rooms. David stepped into the hall with him and they talked quietly for ten minutes. Alantha looked straight at the doctor when he came into her room and started toward her. She almost pitied him but not quite. He stopped in his tracks.
"I think I'd best tell you now before you get your stuff out. I'm fine, I didn't hurt myself, nor have I been hurt. I will live another ten years a most, you don't have to jump every time I sneeze. Go-" she waved her hand at the bed where Linear still lay, not taking her eyes from the doctor's. Not daring to.
He hesitantly nodded and went to the bed. She stifled a sigh and went back to washing the pans. She needed to find a place where they wouldn't bother her. Her rooms weren't safe at all.
She finished scrubbing the pan and set it aside. The door chimed again and four nurses with a stretcher came into the room. They positioned the stretcher beside the bed and worked on lifting Linear onto it. Alantha found a reason to have her back to them until they left, the doctor went with them. She heard someone step toward her, she turned to see it was Dlennda.
Her daughter had the horrid look of pity on her face. "Don't look at me like that. You know I hate people pitying me. I'm fine. If you really want to help me, leave me alone. And get them out." Alantha pointed at the door.
"Yes Mother..." she mumbled and quietly left, dragging David and Herion along behind her. When the door closed, Alantha took a breath, today would be a long day. She forced herself to look at the empty bed, her mind was blank. Tomorrow would be memory immersion.
She sighed, still not believing he was dead, half expecting him to limp into the rooms at any moment. She felt tears running out of her eyes and down her cheeks. This wouldn't do. She needed a handkerchief or something. She created one while she still had a mind to do it with and blew her nose.
*****
The day went by slowly, as Alantha had guessed it would, and in the end, practically the whole station went though her rooms and stared at her, pitying her. She gritted her teeth and endured it. Dlennda helped a lot, mostly by staying away from her mother and keeping everyone else back and got them out of her rooms quickly. For that, Alantha was grateful.
The stations' night came. Alantha was loathe to sleep. Instead, she lit a candle, set it on the table and prepared herself for the flood of memories. Taking a breath, reality blurred and her mind took over, dragging her body along behind it.
