Maybe I

 I'm a sucker for repetition, so I can get behind this.

This is short and gets the job done, however I feel it has redundant words to pad it out. I think in a poem you don't want to be ambiguous about the message you are trying to convey, unless that message is ambiguity. Here, I would remove the "If sometimes" and the "Maybe" on each line and make them more confident in tone. Example:

When I am off in the distance
I'm not all there
When I offer you resistance
I just don't care
When I try to go unnoticed
I want to be left alone
When I am out of focus
I feel like I'm on my own

I also think it has better rhythm this way. I normally harp on that when I read poetry, but in one as repetitive as this, a good rhythm is essential.

I hope that helps.

Very much so. Thank you.

I don't know, I quite like the "maybe"'s in this piece, it leaves it more ambiguous, otherwise I think it seems a bit...how should I say?  Blunt.  The "maybe" of it seems more mysterious somehow, like it's not a statement of fact, more of someone trying to understand themsleves.

It's short, which makes it stick in your brain, it also feels quite bleak.  But I think by removing too many words, especially the "maybe"'s (How many times can I write maybe in a critique?) make it too short, almost to the point of being pointless.

I can see Gorzek's point in his rework, but I think the old chap had reduced it too much, so it seems more like somthing you'd scribble on a notepad whilst idling away a few minutes.

Anyway, that's my point of view, it may clash with other's views, but that's the beauty of this art we call writing, is it not?

I think that all of the "sometimes" and "maybe"s are what make this peice what it is. So in that I would agree with Leland. But gorzek makes a good point for a different version of this peice. I think both are equivalent, I can't say I dislike either one more than the other.