I'm in Love with Craig Ferguson

 And I'm tired. I forgot what I was going to say. 
Oh. Oh wait, no, that wasn't it.  
While I'm trying to remember...E-ZINE, douchers. Hop to it. 
I'm sore. My arms might fall off. Working out is ghey.  

HA!  I just remembered something drastically important to my life. How could i have forgotten? 

I start working in a month. Sooner if the fucking government calls me and tells me I get to work for the census.  That means money for getting out of this country. I hope I do get to work for the census. I find it ironic that the government should give me the paycheck that allows me to run away from them.  Haha Uncle Sam, fuck you. 

Do we have any people from the lovely British Isles here who would care to send me some PG tips?  It's stupidly expensive here and they sell it in the specialty aisle.  Also, did you know that Americans are generally unaware of the electric kettle? We just use a microwave when we want to heat water up.  I had to order one online. It's shit too.  Takes ages.  I feel like a horribly pretentious person when I heat my water up in the hot water jug and drink tea with milk and sugar. But i try to keep it a secret.  One time I found a fly in the kettle, which was rather disgusting. 

I'm a pretentious person all around, really.  I like to sit around and drink british tea while reading Russian authors. For a bit of light reading I might switch to an American writer like Theodore Dreiser or F. Scott Fitzgerald. In my spare time I learn useless bits of knowledge to foist upon people who don't care in order to impress them with the depth of my education.  

Ok, that's a lie. No it's not. Yes it is. Ok, so I do all that but not to be pretentious. It's because I'm French. 

HA. No it's not. I don't do any of that. 

I scorn Lady Gaga firmly on every ground ever, including black volcanic beach sand, but the other day I heard Bad Romance on the radio and turned it up.  Then had an unexpected panic attack because it was the biggest song in Italy while I was there and it made me feel so depressed because it brought back memories that I thought briefly about biting my steering wheel. 

Do you know what the truth is here? Neither do I.  I don't think I thought about biting my steering wheel though I thought it was a good touch. 

I hope you're entertained. I'm not. 

All I'm going to say is this: I'm going insane. My family is going insane. If my mother doesn't stop acting like she has been you'll see me on the news for murder.  I'm at least going to slap her a good one in the face.  I despise that bitch.  I think I'm wearing out my welcome back at their house. I'd love to move out but a lack of money can make that a real problem.

Lies. All lies.  Does anyone want a mostly-broken probably not saveable young woman with dreadlocks, a Budapest fetish, and who smells of vanilla with a slight hint of alcoholism?  

I refuse to blame this post on the alcohol.  Because I am sober.

 So make of that what you may, but I am off to go avoid sleeping again because I keep having nightmares. Usually I like dreams but these are nightmares of spiders and I HATE spiders.  

I'm making a chain out of gum wrappers.  They're really attractive colors too, turquoise and pink; psychedelic almost.  Highest bidder takes it home. Lowest bidder gets me. 

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