Waiting

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Sleep. Let the day pass, as it always does.
My eyes flutter open to the harsh rays of the setting sun, breaking through my window like a robber to assail my senses. I hate the sun. I’m afraid of it.
Rise, and walk to the closet. Find the dress I picked last night, the perfect one. Carefully pull the silken fabric from the hanger, so delicate. Slip out of the bed clothes, let them fall to the floor. The dress touches my skin, cool silk like water.
In the mirror, I gaze at myself as I brush my hair up into an intricate design. Stick the flower pins in place. I seat myself in front of the mirror and begin to apply the expensive make-up, as I always do when I wait for my love. 
Outside, the Ocean crashes on the shore, giving off a sweet music.
Tie the silken scarf about my throat. Follow it with my White Diamonds. My mothers pearls ring my neck, and I stop to gaze at myself in the mirror before me. A red silken vison, perfect make-up.
I grab my small red handbag with the gold chainlink handles and head through the huge house towards the roiling sea.
I step into the backyard, a small patch of land over looking a steep cliff and the roiling waves below. The air is chill, purple cast clouds showing the threat of rain. I walk toward my rock, on the face, to wait as I always do.
I stare into the sea, aching. When will you return?
You said to wait here. In this very spot, you would return. My heart is breaking. For three years, my heart has broken every night. Despair creeps in and I begin to think you will never return-push the thought away.
The waves swell, the sky breaks. Rain like tears fall with my own, we wait for you. Earth breathes wind across the land, across my bare skin. I stand for as long as I can. The ocean sings a song of loneliness.
The sky purple fades into gray, a signal that the day is coming, and with it the painful sun. I must retreat now, the night has ended, and you won’t come during the day. The sun hurts you too.
Sandra, the caretaker, waits by the door. “Ellone, Oh my, how long have you been out there, dear?” She ushers me into the house in my soaked wet dress.
Sandra gives me a concerned look. I think I’m still crying. For three years I have been crying.
“Dr. Cannon will be here soon.” She smiled and stroked my cheek, as if the simple act could leach my pain from me. Grabbing the coffee carafe, she pours me a cup. I sit on the fancy leather couch in my soaked dress, not caring if I ruined it because it felt nice to have things ruined like me.
I sipped my coffee and waited patiently for Dr. Cannon, to come and attempt to hold me together for one more day. Maybe this would be the last day he would come, and the next they would take me to the Mental institution. They think I’m crazy.
He walks in the door, surprising me, I hadn’t heard his car, nor had I heard the bell ring.
“Ellone, dear....” The conversation drones on, until he feels he has gotten what he needs out of me. He stands at the end of the session and smiles, the kind that says:”I will never hurt you.”
 But he is a liar. Their all liars.
He pulls Sandra away where he thinks I cant hear.
“I think it might be time. She doesn’t appear to be getting any better or letting go of the delusions.”
Sandra hangs her head.
“Will you sign the papers?” He says in a conspiratorial whisper.
Sandra only nods her head in acknowledgment.
They talk for sometime. But it turns into a drone in my tired mind, The sun is high, I need sleep.
My room is bright, I hate it, I hate the sun. I pull the curtains as tight as possible, and cover my head with the pillow.
Dreams are so unfair. They play tricks on me.
On the cliff face, the ocean sings, the wind blows the silken dress about. Rain kisses bare skin. And you’re here and everything is better now.
Kiss.
Secret, safe. Thunder and lightning and...

Horrible sunlight again interrupts my sleep.
Eyes snap open. When will they come? The men in white?
To drag me away, to “get help”, to kill me.
I pull myself from the bed, to the closet. Like all the other passing days.
I forgot to pick a dress last night. What now. Things feel broken tonight. Habits broken.
You’ll never come now. Need the dress, the goddamn dress....
Collapse to the floor and cry. And scream, which brings Sandra running in her flannel night clothes.
“Ellone...” She hugs me. Tries to comfort me. But she doesn’t understand... How much it hurts.
Thunder. How long have I been here?
Wasting your time...
I rush out of her arms and to the closet. I pick a random dress and silk scarf and throw on dress with less care than usual. Find any random hair clip and throw my hair up fast. Hasty make-up. Must get to the cliff.
Sandra stares at me, mystified.
I’m halfway to the door when I realize I have no shoes. I run back to the closet and grab something at random. The heels make me lopsided, I wonder if they match.
“Ellone, its cold and raining, please stay here.” Sandra.
Out the house I run, straight for the cliff face. The wind howls. The ocean is roaring. This was my last night, to wait, before the men in white come.
Last night, of life. I realize I can’t wait for you anymore. The sea is hypnotizing, beckoning.
Rain begins to kiss my skin. Wind blows the blue scarf away from me, across the cliff face. Yellow shoe, green shoe. Hair falls free of the clip.  The yellow shoe swings free of the precipice.
I spread my arms, as if to fly. The wind screams, and I turn my face to the sky. Small cold drops stroke me; mingle with my tears.
I can’t wait for you anymore. The yellow shoe falls from my foot into the water below. I lean into the sea.
When I seemed to separate from the rocks, Something pulls me back. It hurts. Sandra. Damn you, you don’t have a right to stop me...
Is this real, or is this the second part of a cruel dream?
Its- you. You came. Or did you?
“I said Wait.” Can it be pain in your voice?
 I think this is a dream close my eyes, expecting you to be gone. Open them, and you did not dissipate.
Sweet sad smile.
“Are you real?”
Rain touching us...
“As real as I can be.”
“Why...so long?’
“Long? I came back as quick as I could. Time doesn’t pass the same for me as it does for you, I suppose.”
“I thought you forgot me.”
“I could never do that, Ellone.”
First time a smile had stretched across my face in years. Sing, sea.
Finally.
Whirling, kiss like electricity. I can see your story.
Sprawling out before me, all I have waited for.
Till it starts to fade. Don’t leave me
Liquid Electricity, floods me, all my senses. Tastes like...
Eternity.
“Its time to go now, Ellone.”
Yes. It is.
                                                   *


Sandra combed the rock face for any sign of Ellone. On a sturdy rock jutting out from the cliff face, she found a single green high heeled shoe.
Tears burned her eyes. Maybe she should have stopped her, gone with her.
Why didn’t she sign the papers long before now?
Soft, post storm wind tickled her cheeks, and the few rays of morning sun peering through the clouds. The ocean lapped softly against the shore below. Sandra held the pump and stared into the water she knew had claimed her friend.
“Goodbye, Ellone. Swim free.”